Dear Santa Page 5

  “Are you okay?” Graham calls from his porch.

  I nod, but he can tell I’m lying and comes to me, walking around from his driveway to mine. He looks worried. His eyes flick to the envelope in my hand, and an expression flickers across his features too fast for me to register.

  “It’s an eviction notice,” I say and hold out the letter to Graham. He frowns and takes it from me hesitantly. “I have to be out in a week.”

  “What?” Graham asks.

  “Yeah, I know. I looked at my contract, too. I can’t do anything about it. The piece of shit needs my house, so I have to go. It’s so fucking unfair.”

  He glances at me. I can’t bite back the tears anymore, and they spill over my cheeks. I cover my face with my hands so Graham won’t see me cry, and I sob like a child.

  “Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Graham says. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me against him. His body is warm, and it’s comforting that he’s drawing me against him, but I can’t stop crying. I’m losing my home.

  “It won’t be,” I sob. “I have nowhere to go.”

  Graham stiffens. “What about Monica?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “I don’t know, Graham. I don’t know. I just found this. I haven’t even had a chance to tell her. What am I going to do?”

  He rubs my back before he lets me go. Something about him is a little switched off, distant. Maybe women don’t cry around him. I bet he’s uncomfortable. I try to swallow the lump in my throat, and I wipe my tears.

  “Do you want to come over for a cup of hot cocoa or something?” Graham asks. His hands are in his pockets, and he’s rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

  “No, thank you,” I say. “I have to get to work and then I am seeing Monica and Lindsay tonight. We have a Christmas date. Although with this eviction, the whole day is ruined. Hell, all of Christmas is ruined. My heartless, piece-of-garbage landlord saw to that. The least that pussy could have done was come tell me to my face, not with a letter like a fucking coward. I paid my rent on time. I treated the property well. It’s just not fair.”

  Graham looks down at his feet, uncomfortable.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I know I’m going off right now, but seriously, is there anything lower than kicking a woman out of her home less than a week before Christmas? The devil just reserved a special place in hell for my asshole landlord, and I hope he burns there for all eternity.”

  Graham nods, still not meeting my gaze. “Okay… will you let me know if you need something?”

  “I will,” I say. I give him a hug, and he doesn’t push for a kiss. I’m relieved. Making out with someone after crying when you have a stuffy nose is everything but hot.

  I get in my car and drive work. I have no time to think about my impending eviction as the day is so busy.

  On the ride to Monica’s place that afternoon after work I start to think about everything. I’m lucky to have Graham in my life, I think. He cares about me, even though we don’t know each other very well. He’s willing to be there for me in my time of need, which is something very few people outside of my family are willing to be. I’m grateful that he’s willing to be a shoulder to cry on, even if he can’t be anything else.

  When I get out of the car at Monica’s place, Lindsay runs out and tackles me. When she looks up at me, her face falls.

  “You’ve been crying,” she says. “What’s wrong?”

  I take a shuddering breath. “Let’s get out of the cold, and I’ll tell you and your mom all about it,” I say. I follow her inside.

  Monica is just as worried when she sees that I’ve been crying. I pull the letter out of my bag and let my sister read it. When she’s done, she looks at me, shocked.

  “Are you serious? He’s kicking you out just before Christmas?”

  I nod. I explain that it’s in my contract and there’s nothing I can do about it.

  “I only have a week,” I say.

  “You’ll come stay here,” Monica says.

  “Yes!” Lindsay cheers. “You can bunk with me!”

  I shake my head. “That’s great of you, but I can’t do that. I’m not going to impose on family time and take up your space.”

  Monica and Larry don’t have the biggest home, and even though I might be able to crash on the couch for a night or two, I will have to find something else for the foreseeable future. I don’t want to be in their personal space, and I have way too much stuff in my house to store it here. It simply wouldn’t fit.

  “You know you always have a space here,” Monica says.

  I nod. “I know. Thank you.”

  At least I know I won’t be on the streets. I hate this. Everything about this Christmas has suddenly become horrible. My stomach is knotted with nerves, and I feel sick, I’m so stressed. Where the hell am I going to go with all my stuff? I have furniture and enough books and kitchenware to fill several boxes. Even if I sleep on Monica’s couch, I can’t put it all here, and I can’t afford storage for more than a couple of days.

  Monica and I sit at the kitchen table while Lindsay watches cartoons in the living room.

  “What am I going to do, Monica?” I ask.

  My sister sighs, shaking her head. “I don’t know,” she says. “I wish I knew, but I don’t. I can’t believe someone would do this.”

  I shrug. “I don’t know what the situation is. Maybe he really needs the house. It’s the only explanation I can think of that doesn’t make me want to shoot him in the face.”

  “So, he kicks you out? You’re golden that you want to justify it, but I can’t see anything fair about this.

  I nod. I agree with her. It’s ridiculous that I’m losing my home and in such a short time. I don’t have a time to find myself a place to stay, and no one else is going to move just before Christmas. I won’t have any choice but to sleep on Monica’s couch.

  God, what a mess.

  “We’ll figure something out for you, okay?” Monica says, rubbing my arm when I start crying again.

  I nod. I want to believe her, but right now, everything looks so dark and dreary. The house is decorated for Christmas and with the weather threatening the way it is right now, it looks like we’re going to have a white Christmas after all. Usually, it would be enough for me to get my spirits soaring. Instead, I’m so upset and miserable I don’t know what to do with myself.

  Chapter 12

  Graham

  I feel like shit for what I did to Sarah. Deciding to evict one of my tenants this close to Christmas is already something I feel rotten about, but I have come to care for Sarah, and when she started crying and cursing me, I didn’t know how to handle it. Seeing her cry made me want to take it back.

  But I can’t. The eviction has been issued, and my sister needs a place to stay. Every time I feel like the monster in this story, I remind myself that Britney’s safety and well-being are so much more important. Not to mention my nieces and nephew who are all in this mess too.

  I just wish I could take both into account, but I can’t. There’s no way I can make this happen for Britney without evicting Sarah. And I can’t let Sarah keep her home without helping my sister. And I’m caught in the middle, being fucking Scrooge and the Grinch, all rolled into one.

  God, I hate this. I didn’t mean to hurt Sarah like that. When she said she didn’t know if she could stay at her sister’s place, that made me feel even worse. What if she has nowhere to go, and I put her out on the street this close to Christmas? It was such a dick move. My stomach sinks to my shoes when I think about it, and I’m filled with dread.

  I want to tell her I’m sorry. She’s an amazing person — the bit I’ve gotten to know about her already has blown me away — and she doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment. But to apologize to her would be to admit that I’m her landlord, that I made the decision to evict her, that I was the Grinch who stole her Christmas. If I tell her anything at all about it, other than being a shoulder for her to cry on and help her when I can, I
’m going to lose any chances I might have with her.

  I can’t do that. I want to move forward with her. Even though it feels like I’ve weaved a giant web of lies that I can’t get out of now.

  The less she knows, though, the better. The only thing that’s changed now is that I won’t ever be able to tell her who I am anymore. It went from short term to permanent.

  Throughout the evening, I keep an eye out for Sarah to see when she comes back. She left in a state, and I want to be able to make her feel better, if nothing else. It’s eight at night when she finally parks her car and gets out. Her shoulders are slumped, her head is down, and she looks sullen and miserable.

  I look up at the sky and the clouds are building, and they had that pinkish sheen earlier that comes with the promise of snow. The wind has picked up, too. I watch her unlock her door, walk into the house, and close the door behind her.

  It doesn’t take long for me to decide to go over to her. I want to speak to her, to see if I can somehow fix what I broke. When I knock on her door, she opens it, and even though she’s not in a good mood, she looks amazing. She’s wearing red slacks and a big green jersey with thick winter socks. God, this woman loves Christmas!

  “I want to see if you’re okay,” I say. I feel rotten that I’m making her believe that I’m here to help when I’m the one who fucked up her life, but it is what it is. I don’t want to stay out of her life completely.

  “I’m all right, considering,” she says. She hesitates. “Do you want to come in?”

  I nod. I step into her house and look around. I was in here before, but I was focused on Sarah and her body alone that afternoon. What I see now is the manifestation of a woman who is creative and interesting. She has plants and paintings everywhere, and she made the place up for Christmas. The image of Sarah crying while taking down her decorations flashed through my head. God, I’m such a dickhead. It’s for a good cause, but that doesn’t alleviate my guilt.

  “Take it in while you can, Graham. By next week, this will all be gone.” She sighs. “I have so much stuff I need to pack, and I have to do it in a week. One week.”

  “I’m sure we can scrape a few people together to help,” I say. Yes, help her pack up the life I took away from her. Perfect. “Did you speak to Monica about staying there?” I hope that she can stay with her sister. I don’t want her to be without a home.

  “Monica offered that, but they don’t have a very big house, and I may be able to sleep on the couch for a night or two, but it’s not a permanent arrangement. I wouldn’t know where to go with my furniture and boxes anyway. She definitely doesn’t have space for that.”

  The dread increases. I must do something. This is my fault. The only other property I have open is the cabin. It wasn’t enough room for my sister and kids. but for a single woman like Sarah, it might be perfect.

  “I have an idea,” I say quickly. “I own a cabin just outside town. It’s a two-bedroom place, not very big, quite secluded, but it might be something that can help. You can stay there if you want to.”

  Sarah blinked at me. “Are you sure?”

  I nod. It’s the least I can do for her after everything I did. I don’t mind her knowing about me owning the cabin. She can’t know about all the other properties, but this, I can do for her.

  “Free of charge,” I add. There is no way I’m going to charge her to live in my cabin. After everything, I feel letting her stay there is the right thing to do.

  “It’s where I keep a load of stuff that I don’t have room for at the moment, but it’s not crowded and it’s empty!”

  “Thank you so much, Graham,” Sarah says, and she looks relieved.

  I can’t fix everything, but I can do this, and it feels good to do the right thing. The right thing is very small compared to all the wrong done, but it’s a start.

  “We’ll arrange everything later,” I say. “Let’s change the topic to happier things.”

  Sarah nods, already looking better.

  “Tell me what Christmas was like for you growing up,” Sarah says.

  So, I do. Britney and I are close — we always have been — and growing up together was so much fun. I was always looking for trouble, so I tell Sarah about the things I did and how angry my grandmother used to get. Ito never stop laughing. I hate myself that I was the one to wipe the smile away in the first place.

  I vow that I will do everything I can to never do that again.

  Chapter 13

  Sarah

  I’m extremely stressed out. I still haven’t managed to pack half my things since I got the notice. When I wake up, my stomach is cramping because I’m so nervous. Lately, I’ve been feeling so sick I can barely eat. I feel awful about the whole thing. Christmas is right around the corner, and I can’t relax and enjoy the season.

  At least, I have somewhere to go. When Monica offered her place to me, it was amazing of her. Monica is my sister, and she will always be there for me. Still, I can’t impose, and I’m grateful that Graham came through for me. He offered me the use of his cabin, and it seems to be the perfect solution until I can find another place of my own. As soon as the new year starts, I can start looking. People will start moving again, and I might find something close by.

  When I think about it like that, I feel marginally better. And so, I walk through my house, see all the things I haven’t managed to pack yet, and I start freaking out again. I must be out in the next two days, and the number of things I have left is daunting. Usually, I take more than a month to pack all my things. I like to work through it systematically, starting with one room at a time and working through from one into another. I pack and label my boxes, I stacked them in a corner, and I make a plan and follow it.

  This time, I’m in such a hurry that I’m throwing things in boxes and sealing them without labeling them. I’ve done a few things in every room, but nothing is finished. The disarray only adds to my frustrations, and I don’t know what to do.

  Outside, the weather doesn’t help me. It’s so miserable that it affects my mood. I’m sure that if all this happened on a sunny summer’s day, I would have been able to deal with it differently. Instead, the wind howls around the corners, dried leaves rattle down the road, and the smell of snow is so strong in the air I can’t believe it hasn’t fallen yet. It’s almost like the sky is holding back, ready to release it as soon as everyone complains about Christmas being dreary and dull.

  On the Wednesday I must be out of my place, I’ve arrange to be off work for the day. As I start packing, there’s a knock at the door before I have even filled my first box and Graham, Monica and Lindsay are there. Larry brings up the rear with more empty boxes and a six pack of tape.

  “We’re here to help you pack,” Monica says. “I hope you don’t mind. I decided to take charge of the moving party for you.”

  I hug my sister with tears in my eyes. “You have no idea how much this means to me,” I say.

  They all track into my house, each of them picking a room and settling down with boxes and old newspaper. It goes so much quicker with so many hands, and by lunchtime, I could see a difference. For the first time since I got the eviction notice, I feel like I can breathe again. It’s getting dark very early now, being in the dead of winter, but by the time the sun sets, we finish.

  “I can’t believe we did this,” I say, looking at all the boxes. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  The two men start loading the boxes onto the truck that Graham rented for me. While they do that, Monica comes to stand next to me.

  “He’s a keeper,” she says, nudging me.

  We watch Graham as he carries boxes and furniture back and forth. He’s been working hard all day, throwing himself into this as if he is part of the family.

  I nod. “I really do like him. He’s been so great this week, spending time with me when he was able, making me feel better when I was down. He really seems to care.”

  When everything is loaded onto the truck, we pile int
o cars and follow Graham out of town. The cabin isn’t very far, but the moment we are between the trees, it feels completely secluded. We pull up in front of the cabin, and I walk in and explore.

  Graham was right. The cabin isn’t very big, but it’s perfect for me. It has two bedrooms, one bathroom, and an open kitchenette that shares the living space. It might be a cabin, but it has water and electricity, a TV, and as Graham informs me, Internet.

  “Thank you for this,” I say to Graham when we’re almost done. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

  Graham smiles at me and pulls me against him.

  Finally, it’s time for everyone to leave. I am exhausted. I say goodbye to Monica, Larry and Lindsay. They always come through for me when I need a hand, and I couldn’t have done it without them. When I tell them as much, Monica hugs me and tells me she loves me.

  Lindsay is already asleep in the car, and Graham and I wave at them when they leave.

  I turn to Graham. “You must be tired,” I say. “You don’t have to stay.”

  “I want to, just for a bit.”

  I smile, and we walk to the small living room, sitting down on the couch.

  “So, are you doing okay?” Graham asks.

  I shake my head. I’m not going to lie to him. “This is very hard for me. The whole thing is just so difficult for me to believe. What kind of asshole would do something like this to someone just before Christmas?”

  Graham looks a little taken aback, and I’m embarrassed.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I shouldn’t still be so angry about this. Especially with how nice you’ve been to me.”

  “No, no, you have every right to be upset about this.”

  I decide to focus on other things and change the subject. “You never told me, is your sister doing okay?”

  Graham stiffens a little.

  “If you don’t mind me asking,” I add.

  “No, of course not. She’s all right. She’s in a difficult spot in her marriage. She has three children, and it makes everything complicated.”